weztimonial

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

Sobering

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I'm now in charge of driving my friends home after they've had an awesome night. FML

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

Threat

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML