Mademoiselle 32 ans En couple
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML
Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML
Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML
Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML
Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML
Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML
Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML
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