nekkis

Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML

Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML

Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML