silentnick

Butterfingers

Today, I gave myself burns on my inner thigh by dropping my curling iron. Instead of a cute date at a restaurant, I had a date with the doctors in the emergency room. FML

Risky comeback

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

Classy dude

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

Today, I found out my whole family has been mistakenly using the same toothbrush for over a month. FML