flammenhund

Today, I had to fake fall down the stairs so my mom would stop texting and actually pay attention to what I was saying. FML

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

Today, an old lady hit me with her car, after which she said, "Oh! Not again!" FML

Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

Help!

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

Compassion? Pah!

Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML