shelbygirl67

There you are

Today, at an aunt's wake, my five year-old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

You little shit

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

Today, I called to see if my bridesmaid's dress was ready. They told me it had already been picked up, the bride's mom picked up the dress and got rid of it because she doesn't want me in the wedding. FML

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

WTF dude?

Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

So brave

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML