sunny_moonbeam

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

Don't be my Valentine

Today, I received my Valentine's gift from my fiancée in the mail. We broke up yesterday. FML