1known

shit happens??? · 21 mai 2022, 00:01 ·United States

Rage against the wrong machine

Today, my boyfriend who’s rage quit multiple games, screamed cuss words for hitting too many red lights, and broke his new phone when a legendary Pokémon escaped after a raid in Pokémon Go, told me I was too dramatic. Sorry for being depressed that my biopsy results weren’t good. Shit happens, huh? FML

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Anonymous · 21 mai 2022, 02:00

Having fun?

Today, on my birthday night, my husband decided to book a trip for himself to go on a solo trip, leaving me with the kids. Instead of hanging out with us and celebrating, he's yelling at our son to leave him alone so he can finish booking the airfare and car rental. Great birthday. FML

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Anonymous · 21 mai 2022, 04:00

Karen strikes again

Today, a woman maced me from her car window because I was approaching her in a menacing, rapist kind of way. She never happened to consider that my car was in the parking spot right next to hers. She didn’t apologise, just said it was my fault for looking like a rapist, and drove away leaving me half blind. FML

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ConcerneddSapphic · 21 mai 2022, 12:00 ·Prague, Czech Republic 🌶️ Épicée

My eyes!

Today, my 73 year-old grandfather asked me to help him search up something on his PC. As soon as I typed in the first letters, one of his previous searches popped up, that being, "Lesbian porn." I still feel not so great about seeing that, and the fact that I myself am a lesbian and he knows that isn't helping much. FML

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Anonymous · 21 mai 2022, 14:00

Loan shark

Today, my manager did that thing where he gave me a performance-based bonus last month, but deducted the bonus from this months pay. He didn’t even try to hide it, it said in plain English "Amount deducted for previous performance bonus." FML

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DefiantBaka · 21 mai 2022, 16:00 ·Stony Plain, Canada

Bad omen

Today, I found out the man I have a date with next week is married. FML

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LookingForAJob · 21 mai 2022, 18:00

Kinda sussy

Today, I slept through my alarm and got fired for being late for work. My husband had changed my alarm to go off at 8:00PM instead of 8:00AM all because apparently, I was suspected of “conspiracy to cheat” by liking a male friend’s selfie on Instagram. FML

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Crazy Cat Guy · Ça date de 2015 mais c'est de la bonne ·Fremont, United States

Happy Caturday

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

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Anonymous · 21 mai 2022, 22:00

Bad at maths

Today, my boss finally worked out that by not giving the lads a pay rise to £18 an hour, instead just offering them overtime when necessary, it actually cost the equivalent of raising each employees salary to £26 an hour, for a whole year. He’s is blaming me because I issue the pay checks. FML

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Anonymous · 22 mai 2022, 02:00 ·Anchorage, United States

Remember me?

Today, my father passed. He never gave me the time of day for anything, but he was my dad so I went to the funeral. However, 98% of the people there had no idea he had an eldest daughter. FML

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ImScrewedddd · 22 mai 2022, 04:00

Demanding

Today, my lazy, spoiled brat of a daughter screwed up her third job interview in the past month. She keeps self-sabotaging by asking the employers about the pay and benefits, and if she doesn’t like it, she walks out on them. Then she rants on how nobody wants to hire her. Gee, I wonder why? FML

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Anonymous · 22 mai 2022, 06:00 🌶️ Épicée

Classic

Today, I realised I fit the stereotype of a lonely, bored housewife when I was more turned on by the plumber fixing the boiler than I have been by my husband in at least a year. FML

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Norma · 22 mai 2022, 16:00

Is that even legal?

Today, it's the third time my ex has been granted a reduction in his child support payments coinciding with his gold digger getting an expensive gift. The first time it was her 4-carat engagement ring, then it was her breast and butt surgeries, and now a 3-week trip to Hawaii. I can barely afford food for our kids. FML

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SingleAndHomeless · 22 mai 2022, 18:00 🌶️ Épicée

You must be kidding me

Today, I came home early from work. My boyfriend and I live together. I open the door and I found my best friend watching TV on the couch, wearing lingerie. The room smelled like sex. She acted irrational and defensive, and had the audacity to ask what I was doing here. Bitch, I live here. FML

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should I be worried? · 22 mai 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Épicée

Suspicious activity

Today, my girlfriend, who got married at 19 and divorced at 30, told me how much she regretted wasting all her “hot years” being a good and faithful wife to her ex. Oh and that she never got a “hoe-phase” in college like her friends. I think she’s fishing for my permission to cheat. I’m confused. FML

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LOSER · 23 mai 2022, 00:00

Not the one

Today, an ex-boyfriend of mine came to the jewelry store I work at to pick out an engagement ring for his girlfriend. The same guy who just a few months earlier ended our 8-year relationship because I wanted marriage and he didn't. FML

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Anonymous · 23 mai 2022, 02:00 ·North Miami Beach, United States

You forgetting something?

Today, it was my birthday. My family usually gives me a financial gift, but didn't this time and said nothing about it. I cooked my own birthday dinner without help, then washed everyone's dishes. I got my own cake and ate it alone because they were too busy getting drunk. Nobody bothered to sing Happy Birthday either. FML

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Anonymous · 23 mai 2022, 04:00

The cheek of some people

Today, I stayed at my mate's house over the weekend, but his mother threw me out, saying I’m was taking advantage of her hospitality. First, it’s her son's house, so it’s not even her hospitality, but also I was helping redecorate the whole house for free, so how was I taking advantage? FML

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fml · 23 mai 2022, 10:00 ·Denver, United States

Hanging on by a thread

Today, I was standing in line when the lady in front of me stepped out of the line. I made a comment about how rude she was for doing that, and she immediately burst into tears because she “didn’t know it was rude to do that.” A grown woman. FML

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wideeyeddays · Ça date de 2016 mais c'est de la bonne ·Pasadena, United States

Great timing

Today, my dad thought it was a great idea to text me and say he'd had to put our dog down. I was in the middle of class and still had hours left at school. It's not fun to walk across campus holding back tears. FML

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109 commentaires Partager

GetMeOut · 23 mai 2022, 14:01

We're in Hell

Today, it’s my first day staying with my aunt since the untimely passing of my parents last week. So far, she slapped my phone out my hand for being on the phone with a guy, feeds me vegan food, and told me to “turn off that black people music.” Only a year and a half left until I turn 18. FML

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Anonymous · 23 mai 2022, 18:00 ·Spokane, United States 🌶️ Épicée

No thanks!

Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML

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dudezilla · Ça date de 2009 mais c'est de la bonne ·United States

Thanks, I hate it!

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

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Anonyme · 22 mai 2022, 08:20

La loi c'est moi

Aujourd'hui, surveillant dans un collège, je me fais disputer au téléphone par un parent, mécontent de l'heure de retenue que j'ai mis à son fils. L'objet ? Violence envers un élève. Le même parent qui a demandé l'expulsion d'un autre élève pour le même motif. VDM

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Anonyme · 22 mai 2022, 10:19

Oubli classique, mais important

Aujourd'hui, je passe mes partiels. Je pensais avoir réussi mon épreuve jusqu'à ce que, une fois rentré chez moi, je découvre ma feuille d'examen dans mon sac. VDM

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ben · Ça date de 2008 mais c'est de la bonne

Coucou !

Aujourd'hui, mes voisins me sourient. Je suis sur le balcon, enfermé à l'extérieur par ma copine suite à une crise conjugale. Les voisins ont tout vu et presque tout entendu : je suis leur distraction de l'après-midi. VDM

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Assurancetourix · 22 mai 2022, 22:22 ·Nanterre, France

La foire d'empoigne

Aujourd'hui, j'ai assisté à une AG de copropriété. Vous voyez le village d'Astérix quand quelqu'un dit que le poisson n'est pas frais ? Pareil. VDM

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Anonyme · 23 mai 2022, 00:20

Mauvais perdant

Aujourd'hui, j'ai vu mon mari pleurer pour la première fois en dix ans de relation. Naissance d'un enfant ? Décès ? Non, son club de foot de cœur va descendre en deuxième division. VDM

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Anonyme · 23 mai 2022, 10:20

Une blague de Toto ?

Aujourd'hui, pendant une leçon de conduite avec l'auto-école, j'ai eu le malheur de tomber sur ma belle mère. Enfin, elle a eu le malheur de tomber sur mon capot plutôt. VDM

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Clémentine · 23 mai 2022, 12:20 ·Valergues, France

Carence

Aujourd'hui, mon médecin a voulu me prescrire un arrêt de travail pour la fin de semaine, car je suis bloquée du dos et j'ai une otite avec inflammation par dessus. J'ai dû refuser car je n'ai pas les moyens d'avoir 3 jours en moins sur ma paye. VDM

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