sierrra_

Curious cat

Today, while I was in the shower, my curious cat jumped in. She decided she really doesn't like showers and to avoid getting wet, used my naked body as a makeshift tree. FML

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

Please explain

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my pads were not in fact "big band-aids" and that he should probably remove them from his legs. FML

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hoped whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch." Okay then. FML

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML