Mademoiselle new south wales, Australia Compliqué
Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymed with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. FML
Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML
Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML
Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML
Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
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