Today, I had to awkwardly grab my pink dildo after my husband's friend asked what it was that my dog was chewing on. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML
Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML
Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML
Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
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