Monsieur North Carolina 32 ans Célibataire
Today, I got run over. Not by a car, but by a lady in a wheelchair. Am I really that invisible? FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML
Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, I bought my very first college textbook. I received a stack of hole-punched papers. My $195 "book" isn’t even bound together. FML
Today, I missed out on the chance of buying a great used car because my loan wasn't approved. Why wasn't it approved? Because the vehicle has +100k miles on it. I wish they would've told me that when I applied for the loan. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me in tears because the love of his life has decided to move on with another man. He is currently on his way over to cry on my shoulder about it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML
Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted, Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML
Today, I caught a ride with a coworker in their new Mercedes. They spent the drive passionately talking about how it made them a better driver and all the people that say otherwise are idiots. After running three stop signs and nearly sideswiping a minivan, I decided to walk the last mile. FML
Today, I ran a mile for my gym class. While I managed to cut two minutes off my time, a few minutes later I felt dizzy and nauseous, which I thought was because I pushed myself too hard. I collapsed and vomited in front of everyone. Not a single person moved to help me. Not even the teacher. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy and sent my new boyfriend a nude. Before we started dating, I had hooked up with three of his friends which he was super insecure about. Somehow I accidentally sent it to a group chat which included five different people besides us. All of those friends were in it. FML
Today, I had to decide between buying medicine and buying food. FML
Today was just like any other normal day. Spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I felt great until I went into just about every room I’d cleaned and saw that it was messed up again with zero attempts from my stepdaughter to clean it back up. I really hate preteens. FML
Today, it's my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refused. Not only was I late, he turned violent when I refused to pay his $100 fare plus a "talent fee." FML
Today, I spent an hour getting ready for my first date of the year, only to wait 30 minutes in the cold and then walking back home by myself. Why didn’t he show up? On his way to our date, he got invited to a threesome and decided to do that instead. FML
Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML
Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML
Today, like everyday, I have to ignore the mould in the bathroom, cat shit stuck to the dining room floor, and dirty dishes in the kitchen courtesy of my never-cleaning sister, but today she bitched at me for being gross and unhygenic for double dipping the ice-cream tub, and everyone agreed. FML
Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML
Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML
Today, my teacher told me that unless I went into medicine, math, or engineering, I would never amount to anything in life. This wasn't even two minutes after I told him I want to be an author. FML
Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML
Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, I'm preparing my defense for allegedly stalking someone at work. The best part, I have absolutely no clue who it is. Now my skin is crawling as I go through all the messages and in person events that occurred with my actual twice-my-age stalker to show my boss what a real stalker does. FML
Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
