Stewpat

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML