scarymommabear1

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

Today, my boyfriend showed me his penis for the first time. All I could think to say was, "That's a clean circumcision." FML

Today, I posted on Facebook about a cooking mishap I had. My fiancé and ex then spent the next hour trading stories of my other kitchen disasters in the comments. FML