Redleader555

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

Roadhogs

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5 mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh… I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

Today, I noticed that the injury on my hand from three weeks ago no longer hurt. A while later, I accidentally slammed that same hand in a door. FML

Cheeky

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Ten minutes after, he called me asking how to change his relationship status on Facebook. FML

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

Today, I received my best compliment of the year so far when an ER doctor commented positively on the clarity of my urine sample. FML

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML