ptwadd

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

It's probably considered art

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

Knock first

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML