Madame Warsaw, U.S.A. 30 ans En couple
Today, as a kindergarten music teacher, my principal came in to observe and evaluate me. I thought I'd gotten the hang of managing 23 5-year-olds, but it was a zoo the whole 30 minutes and I didn’t manage to teach anything. I'm not sure I'll be keeping this job. FML
Today, I realized after I wrapped myself in a blanket that it was my cat's "humping blanket". FML
Today, I counted how many medications I'm on: 14. I'm waiting to see another specialist who might put me on 2 more. I'm currently on more medications than my grandmother. FML
Today, I thought I had a good talk about personal hygiene and infection risk with my 6-year-old. Later, he told his mom he won’t poop any more, because his butt will "fall off." FML
Today, at my father's funeral, a stranger tried to grab me. When I held out my hand, she mugged exaggerated hurt and shrieked, "You DON'T want a HUG?" My awful aunt then guffawed, "She had her hand out! She thought she was gonna shake hands!" to get the crowd to laugh at me. At my father's funeral. FML
Today, I drove 800 miles for a concert. At the doors, I found out Ticketmaster sold me fake tickets. FML
Today, my period started one week early, and I don’t have access to any hygiene products besides toilet paper for 3 days. FML
Today, I went on a second date. He gave me the wrong directions to the restaurant. When it was time to pay for our meal, he casually mentioned that he forgot his wallet. I had to pay, and also tip the waitress who was all over him and didn't spare me a second glance. I'm unemployed and broke. He has a job and it was his idea to eat out. FML
Today, I got an e-mail at work about payroll cuts. After our annual cost of living raise two weeks ago, I make $0.30 more per hour, but with my hours getting cut, I'll make $80 less per paycheck. That's two weeks of groceries. I can't afford my vacation next week now either. FML.
Today, I woke up feeling amazing. Upon looking at my phone, I saw a text from my boyfriend's ex, saying, "I'm sorry." Ten minutes later, I received a slew of angry text messages from my boyfriend, thanks to his ex. What an amazing day. FML
Today, I tipped my head back to take my nighttime meds and my birth control fell straight up my nose like it was aiming for a hole-in-one to my brain. I got it out, but now I have a migraine, awful sinus pain, and can feel a nose bleed coming on. FML
Today, at work in a clinic, I went in to clean a treatment room. For some reason, it smelled like rotten meat, which made me gag. I sprayed some air freshener. Now it smells like rotten meat and air freshener. FML
Today, it's been a while since I've been looking for a job. Too bad most companies are closing down and ordering people to work from home because of the Coronavirus. FML
Today, my boss forbade me from seeing my significant other until they relax the quarantine rules. We live in barracks on the same base. I'm terrified of accidentally running into her. FML
Today, it's my birthday. The day started with the cat waking me up at 4 a.m., going to work since I'm considered essential, then falling down the stairs while at work. I'm now limping with a bruised/swollen foot, I can't celebrate with my family because of COVID-19, and I just started my period. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, I bought $3 hair ties. I then spent the night at the emergency vet after my kitten managed to open the drawer and eat them. So today, I actually bought $1003 hair ties. FML
Today, I realized that because of COVID-19, I can no longer cough to cover my farts at work. FML
Today, I texted my mom and told her I'm pregnant and she responded with, "I can’t respond to this right now." So she and my dad are disappointed in me. None of my other siblings were married or even engaged before having their kids. I’m 23, engaged, and own my own house. I don’t see the problem. FML
Today, my husband accused me of cheating. What was I doing? Outside smoking a cigarette and getting caught peeing outside by my neighbor, because I was too drunk to realize I wasn’t in my bathroom on the toilet. FML
Today, I was running a minute late for a big meeting that I'd organised. I got so hot from running up a flight of stairs that I couldn’t pass the Covid temperature screening requirement, and had to sit down for 10 minutes to cool off. By the time I was cool enough, everyone had already left. FML
Today, I'm still learning how to drive stick. I went to pick up my son from school and stalled out during high traffic. The crossing guard had to rescue me by getting in my car and pull it out of the flow of traffic. FML
Today, I was driving home from an event on the coast. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, and before I realised what'd happened, I ended up 20 km out of a town that I don’t even live in. FML
Today, I got stuck in an elevator. After ringing the alarm bell consistantly for 10 minutes, I called someone I was staying with. She went down to the front desk and said that there were people stuck in the elevator. Front desk- "Is that what that is? I thought it was some kids messing around." FML
Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML
Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML
Today, a day after being informed that keeping my wallet in my front pocket was "strange", my wallet was stolen from my back pocket. FML
Today, I failed a major exam. It wasn't because I didn't prepare for it, though. I failed because somebody sneezed during it and I said "bless you." Apparently, that's classed as cheating. FML
Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML
Today, I tried to fix my wife's brakes and change her oil before I worked on my truck. Seven hours later both vehicles are unusable. FML
Today, my mattress has gotten so old and trashed that I was woken up by two springs ripping through my bed sheets and stabbing me in the leg and abdomen. FML
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