DANA_DANA

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we were inside, my mom yelled to me, "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML