cathyfierce

Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML

Guitar ****

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

Today, while waiting for the start of a concert, the man behind me decided to pee into a cup. Then the cup tipped over and drained all down my leg. FML

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML