Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML
Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML
Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML
Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML
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