jopaggie12

Classy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

Today, I went to visit my boyfriend at work. That's where I met his pregnant girlfriend. FML

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML