coltsluvr123

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe lights on and music blasting. He was by himself and had absolutely nothing on. FML

Headshot

Today, I was walking down the street hand in hand with my girlfriend. I couldn't help but stare at a gorgeous girl as she bent down to pick something up. It was such a great sight, I didn't notice the metal telephone pole directly in my path. FML

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML