bumgirl

Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

That's some BS

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

What's going on?

Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML

Bless

Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML