adriastyles

Wanking to death

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML