Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML
Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML
Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML
Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML
Today, I got an expensive drone for my birthday. My brother got a BB gun and thought it would be hilarious to shoot my drone with it while I was flying it. FML
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