jessebelle0714

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML