Monsieur Some Place, Somewhere 35 ans
Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML
Today, I was accused of being high. Why? Because I was playing with a milk bottle. FML
Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML
Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML
Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML
Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML
Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I finally confronted my boyfriend and asked him if he was cheating on me. He got flustered and said, "Technically, I'm cheating with you, not on you." FML
Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML
Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML
Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML
Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML
Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML
Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML
Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
