Colorado Springs, USA En couple
Today, my daughter learned that if she rips a toy out of its package in front of a store employee, mommy will be forced to buy it. She now has two new toys today. FML
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML
Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML
Today, my boyfriend woke me up by playing with the string of my tampon. FML
Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML
Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML
Today, a little boy called me, crying that "Grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say, "Wrong number." FML
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML
Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML
Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML
Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
