Mademoiselle
Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML
Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML
Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML
Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML
Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML
Today, I was skiing really fast and there was a sign saying 'Slow Down'. Feeling rather good about myself I decided to jump over the sign. Whilst jumping, however, I caught my ski tips on the sign and went face first into the ground. Hard. FML
Today, I found out that you can get arrested for holding up a 'free hugs' sign. FML
Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML
Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML
Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML
Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML
Today, while in bed with my game-obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML
Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulled away, goes, "OMNOMNOMNOM" then continued kissing me. FML
Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed, "I love you." After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back, and said, "What kind of gun was it?" FML
Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML
Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
