Monsieur 30 ans En couple
Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year-old son came in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML
Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, a riot broke out while I was on shift at the community swimming pool. A family snuck in soap so they could use the pool as a giant bath tub. FML
Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML
Today, my dad told my little brother that Tokyo is in China. This is the same guy who yells at me every time I get a "B" on a report card. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML
Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML
Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML
Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML
Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E," I replied. Without missing a beat, she says, "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She's 16. FML
Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML
Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML
Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss's car. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML
Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML
Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML
Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
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