bulubulu_fml

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

Today, while at Subway, I looked on as an employee killed a fly with his hands. He then continued working without a second thought. He was making my sandwich. FML

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax, my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

Today, I was told that I was an idiot by a little girl because I didn't deliver a pizza to her house fast enough. FML

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML