kyonichii

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

Words are hard

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

Felt cute, might delete later

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

Bondage prank [GONE SEXUAL]

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML