ninjanick1911

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML

To each his own

Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML