Bombay, India 45 ans
Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML
Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML
Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML
Today, I discovered that the more money I earn, the more my personal belongings break down on me. FML
Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML
Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML
Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML
Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML
Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML
Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML
Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML
Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML
Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me and said I had forgotten my blue bra. I don't have any blue bras. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via the medium of free-style rapping. FML
Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML
Today, my business is doing so badly that people are teaching their kids to drive in the empty parking lot. FML
Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
