Peoria 27 ans Célibataire
Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she owes me because she once bought me something from the dollar menu at McDonald's. FML
Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I'm too demanding. FML
Today, a friend asked me to help him get rid of a girl who would't stop texting him. It worked perfectly. Now she's texting me nonstop. FML
Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML
Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML
Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML
Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it was logical to accuse me of cheating because of the hundreds of emails I had from women wanting to meet up with me for sex. She had been looking in the "Spam" folder. FML
Today, I found out the real reason my dad bought a new car and generously gave me his old one. He knew the engine was about to fail and didn't want it to be his problem when it finally did. It blew out while I was driving at high speed on the motorway. Just my luck. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me by text for another man while I was at work. While I worked the drive-thru, a customer noticed me choking back my tears and said "I'd be cryin' too if I worked your dead-end job." FML
Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You're such a cute couple!" FML
Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML
Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML
Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML
Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML
Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked, "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML
Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML
Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML
Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
Today, I went on the best date I've been on in years. Later on, over drinks we get talking and I explain how I came out to my friends and family. When I ask him how he came out, he replies that he isn't gay, and oh, did I think this was a date? FML
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later, I got a text saying, "I just dropped the bitch off, I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I later asked him about it. He said, "Megan, I have no idea what you're talking about." My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for a hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jackass, saying how people like him give us a bad reputation at the beach. I then saw him running to his choking daughter. FML
Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. Her birthday was actually two months ago, but she decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML
Today, I caught my dad squishing my stick-on bra cups in his hands, trying to figure out what they are. He's an engineer who graduated from MIT. I still don't think he knows what they are. FML
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML
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