Monsieur Mumbai, India 40 ans Célibataire
Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML
Today, while watching TV at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark, nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realized she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, I learned that my brakes don't work anymore on my bike. When did I learn this? While speeding down a really steep hill. FML
Today, I arrived at the beach for a week's vacation. I walk on the beach only to find they are "rebuilding" it. They have heavy machinery all over the place, they work 24/7, and this only happens every 15 years. Glad I picked this week. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML
Today, my grandmother sat me down and gave me a talk about the importance of personal hygiene. According to her, it's important that I shower twice a day, because, "Fat people tend to have a most curious smell about them." FML
Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Halfway through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She now won't talk to me. FML
Today, I had to say, "Put away your burrito," "That ruler is not a lightsaber," and, "Stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to my nuts via my neighbor's tennis ball shooter. FML
Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML
Today, I told my husband that I wanted him to stay sober during the week. He responded by saying he wanted me to be a supermodel during the week. FML
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