Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML
Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML
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