Mademoiselle Bangkok, Thailand 33 ans En couple
Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML
Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He says he's been completely faithful. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Turns out that's not quite true. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML
Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML
Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML
Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML
Today, after spending 8 months and $11,000 on school, I was denied a job in my chosen career field. They told me they decided to go with someone with more experience. So who got the job? One of my classmates. This is her first job. EVER. FML
Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML
Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML
Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses me for two things. 1) My food. 2) My sister. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML
Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML
Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: her job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML
Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, "Yeah, that's nice, but now your tits are tiny". FML
Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML
Today, my boyfriend sang "Happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembers the date of the first time he went down on me. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML
Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up… except my fiancé. FML
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
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