Monsieur Bridgeville 29 ans
Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML
Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML
Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML
Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML
Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML
Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML
Today, my son's hamster died. It was overweight and got stuck in its plastic tube. My 6 year old son came downstairs to me smashing a plastic tube with a dead hamster in it on the kitchen table. He thinks I killed it. FML
Today, I received a 4-page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight, in full detail. I'm one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML
Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and came back to glaring looks and stares. My screensaver had turned on, containing pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML
Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job, and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said, "How would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML
Today, I found out that my mother has been purposely wrecking every relationship I've had since junior high because ''no one is good enough for her little girl''. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML
Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML
Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML
Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She's claiming it was rape and is going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML
Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML
Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML
Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if my ass looked big in my new jeans. He looked, and then started singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie". FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML
Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML
Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML
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