Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML
Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML
Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years-old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad, he's been dead for 5 years. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML
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