Monsieur Sydney, Australia 30 ans Célibataire
Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML
Today, my 15 year-old sister came home at 4 a.m. totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about drug abuse. FML
Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML
Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML
Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML
Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML
Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML
Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I binged Star Wars. Now he keeps talking about how the Empire is superior to the Republic, digging up Reddit threads / YouTube videos / expressing his own political ideas to convince me of this. I just wanted to watch the movies. FML
Today, I was alone in the car with my crush. For reasons I will never understand, I put on the song 'Kiss a Girl' by Keith Urban. I could feel her cringing. FML
Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she likes my lips and wants to rape me. FML
Today, at the request of my girlfriend, I took a ruler with me into the shower to measure myself. Later on, at the dinner table, my mom asked me, "so, how big is it?" I had forgotten to take the ruler out of the shower. FML
Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, as I'd also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML
Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. A six year-old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were, he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year-old. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had a lovely dinner date. Our waitress was really sweet, so we talked about leaving her a big tip. When we got home, we discovered we both thought the other person had left it. FML
Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML
Today, I’m in China for work, and for the second time someone told me that I look like Vladimir Putin. FML
Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that I deserved to be punished. He didn’t fine me, instead he sent me to the naughty step for five minutes. FML
Today, I was visiting a magnificent Taoïst Temple in China all while eating an apple. After few galleries, I got to the giant statue in the center of the temple where people were praying. I saw a trash can so I threw my apple away. When I saw everyone giving me the death stare, I figured out that it was the donations box. FML
Today, travelling in China, I was told to write a wish on a ribbon attached to a stone, and then throw it into a tree. The higher the wish lands, the greater the chance that it’ll come true. My wish landed in a trashcan. FML
Today, it’s been a semester since I came to Shanghai to study and my Chinese girlfriend nicely offered me a pear after a long exam. I cut the fruit to share it with her. When I saw her burst in tears, I understood that it was a way to announce a breakup in China. FML
Today, one of my interviewers got so bored, he made a paper airplane out of my résumé. FML
Today, I'm stuck at the airport overnight, because my phone didn't update its time zone after flying in, so I watched my train leave, thinking mine wasn't due for another hour. FML
Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML
Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML
Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML
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