Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
catwhitehead
FitBitch
Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML
Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML
Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML
Morning!
Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML