elxxin

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Je valide, ma souris fonctionne

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Elxxin - VDM en favoris

Par JimmyT - 03/03/2013 22:21 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

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Par ExplosiveDildo - 22/06/2012 13:08 - Afghanistan

Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML

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ExplosiveDildo nous en dit plus

ExplosiveDildo 11

samedi 23 juin 2012 5:21

Holy shit. I didn't think this would actually get posted! Well, I'm happy after all of the FML's I've posted over the years, this one got chosen

Par PreciousIve - 09/06/2009 15:36 - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to get a little frisky in bed. After we were done we lay spent on our bed then only to hear weird noises coming from our doorway. To our surprise not only had our daughter taken her first steps but has been watching and now making the noises as well. FML

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PreciousIve nous en dit plus

PreciousIve 0

mardi 9 juin 2009 21:58

*Clarification* My post is not fake, sex happens... And my baby was not abandoned carelessly she just took a late morning nap at her playroom (which is directly in front of our bedroom) and as most parents know trying to sneak sex after having a baby is like looking for the Lochness Monster. And since she is a light sleeper moving her to her crib is a self sabotage. So when all the sexytime happened our daughter must have woken up upon hearing the noise and being a natural 10 month old baby curiousity must have driven her to get up and see why mommy and daddy are making strange noises and since we didn't close our door so she can be within sight (why we close the door on her?) she went to us and watched most or some of the action. But the whole point of me posting it was so I can share a small part of my life to everyone and laugh at it, and isn't that the whole point of this site?

Par Jenny - 31/03/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

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Par RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

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