Today, a drunk woman kicked me in the balls for not buying her another drink. That's the closest thing to intimacy I've ever experienced. FML
Today, I found out that I wasn't going to be a father. My best friend is going to be the father to my girlfriend's child, though. FML
Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny to moon a crowd of old people taking a photo, in a few seconds a couple of them started pointing in my direction... Turns out they were pointing at the car that ran me over shortly after. FML
Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML
Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML
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