29 ans En couple
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
Today, I declined an apartment because it didn't have a detachable shower head that I could use for my enjoyment. FML
Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML
Today, my parents are forcing me to take my brother with me when I hang out with my friends. This wouldn't be that weird if my brother wasn't 26. FML
Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML
Today, it's the second day of being in Estonia with my boyfriend and his mom, visiting their family. I don't know much Estonian, but I can say short words and phrases. My boyfriend later informed me I've been mispronouncing "Thank you," and actually saying "Help me." I was wondering why people have been laughing. FML
Today, after 6 months away, I came home to find out my mom has essentially untrained my dog by spoiling him rotten. She has, however, taught him to fart on command. FML
Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML
Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML
Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML
Today, I got grounded for having a boner when I woke up. FML
Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML
Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML
Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML
Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML
Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML
Today, I decided to finally talk to my crush. I said, "Hello" to which he replied, "First, dye your hair blonde and grow some boobs, then we can talk business." FML
Today, my friend and I were brushing our teeth, standing side by side. We both have a sympathy gag reflex. He brushed his tongue and gagged, which caused me to gag. So we had a never ending gag-fest until we both began throwing up and couldn't stop until one of us could manage to hold it in. FML
Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML
Today, I was checking my kitten's neutering stitches when he farted so hard that a stray piece of cat shit shot out and hit me in the eye. FML
Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doctor. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML
Today, my straight, white, Christian stepmother greeted my black friend with, "Hey my n****a!" He hasn't talked to me since. FML
Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML
Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML
Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
