Mademoiselle Perth, Australia 27 ans Célibataire
Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML
Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, "You're going to need more than that to cover up that face." FML
Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML
Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML
Today, I did the smart thing and bought an umbrella before walking to work. My efforts proved useless when a truck ran through a huge puddle and drenched me from head to toe. My underwear was still wet 4 hours later. FML
Today, I started lactating. That would be fine if I had a kid. Or was pregnant. Or wasn't 16. FML
Today, I found out just how much my dog likes ice-cream when she tackled a little girl at a park for hers. FML
Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML
Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML
Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML
Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML
Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini bottom out of the box first, only to find a pubic hair stuck to the hygienic liner. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML
Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML
Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML
Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML
Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML
Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML
Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML
Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question? "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML
Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML
Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML
Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML
Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML
Today, I arrived at work to find out someone had signed me up to a dating site. Apparently, my inability to speak to women has reached "boss level". Quite literally, as my boss was the one who signed me up. FML
Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML
Today, my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML
Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML
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