Mademoiselle Domzale, Slovenia 26 ans Célibataire
Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML
Today, a co-worker passed me a note with information about one of our cute, new co-workers I was interested in. Her report? Simple: "Lesbian. Try again. They're EVERYWHERE!" FML
Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML
Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML
Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML
Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML
Today, I fought back with words against a bully. He cried, and I got detention. FML
Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML
Today, my oven decided that it was going to lock and clean itself right in the middle of cooking my steaks. FML
Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML
Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML
Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML
Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML
Today, I decided to be healthy and go for a run. I broke my ankle. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML
Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML
Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML
Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML
Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML
Today, my mother texted me that she was in labor. She never told me she was pregnant. Apparently she's engaged too. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML
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