Mademoiselle Domzale, Slovenia 26 ans Célibataire
Today, I was lying on the couch after having surgery on my stomach. My best friend and my mom thought that laughter would be the best medicine. Due to their medicine, I ripped out half my stitches. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I saw my crush standing at the bus stop. I did the "I'm talking to someone on the phone thing," trying to be cool. Halfway through the conversation my phone actually rang, I quickly answered but it was my mom on loudspeaker yelling, "Did you bring your tampons?" FML
Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML
Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML
Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML
Today, I had to buy a wrist brace for a repetitive strain injury. I got the injury because I was knitting too much. I'm 22. FML
Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML
Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML
Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML
Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML
Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML
Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML
Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML
Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML
Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML
Today, my uncle had a flashback to Vietnam. I'm now missing a tooth and have a cracked rib. FML
Today, I asked my dad what his plans for Friday were. Apparently, he's going to a concert with my step-mom all evening. It's been their plan for months. Friday is my birthday. That's been set since the day I was born. FML
Today, while watching Animal Planet, I realised my boyfriend uses the Dog Whisperer techniques on me. FML
Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML
Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML
Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the cop who'd pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML
Today, I met my soon-to-be step mother. My dad was right, we had a lot in common. Including our birth year. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML
Today, my parents woke me up at 4 am and informed me of their impending divorce. They then woke me up again three hours later and told me "never mind". This same routine happens several times a month. FML
Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML
Today, I found out that my stalker ex-girlfriend named her newborn son after me. FML
Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML
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