Mademoiselle Domzale, Slovenia 26 ans Célibataire
Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML
Today, my grandma gave me a gift, something she's never done before. I was excited, until I found out it was one of her overdue library books about dolphins. I feel so loved. FML
Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the second grade. FML
Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML
Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He's 20 years-old. FML
Today, I was going through my mom's closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML
Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, my husband was leaving for a long business trip to Germany. As he was leaving, my daughter started crying. "Don't leave me with her !" she said. "Take me with you!" FML
Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML
Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the eighth grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML
Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML
Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML
Today, I had to buy another pair of "fat jeans", because my old "fat jeans" became my new "skinny jeans." FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML
Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML
Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML
Today, my daughter learned that if she rips a toy out of its package in front of a store employee, mommy will be forced to buy it. She now has two new toys today. FML
Today, I was saying goodbye to my 5 year-old son before dropping him at my mom's, as I was leaving for two days, and told him I would miss him. He said, "l won't miss you, I never miss you when you are gone." FML
Today, I learned the hard way why they say "four on the floor" at school. I leaned too far back while rocking in the chair and fell off. I grabbed the desk to save myself, and it came down too. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, my youngest son had to have stitches on his chin. He did great; I passed out. FML
Today, it's my sixteenth birthday and my mom promised me she'd buy me a car. She came home with a toy lego car. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Because apparently her friends have seen me hanging out with a hot girl, giving her long hugs and making her laugh. That "hot girl" is my sister, who got back from studying abroad a week ago. FML
Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML
Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML
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