Cautocracy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad turns around and says he was expecting him to have a guide dog. This is why I don't have much confidence in myself. FML

Mutilated

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML